Interview

From TimeOutAtSea

After many confusing coded messages delivered via underlings. David Kissel, A communications theorist was granted an interview with the Abbess of the Internet underground literary scene, Alexandra Lulu Orange. The interview was conducted in a secret chat room hidden in the Vatican's web site. ---

DK: Who is your most influential non-existent Person?

ALO: The American Borges.

DK: Are you referring to Ursula K. LeGuin's comment about Philip K. Dick?

ALO: yes.

DK: So do you believe her statement is inaccurate?

ALO: Not completely, his writing style needed developing but his ideas were there. He wrote fast and for money.

DK: Did you create Abattoir with some sort of sadistic whim, or do you have ulterior motives?

ALO: I created Abattoir for the same reason Joan of Arc led the French army into war, a vision from God. Does the physician not depend upon the germ? Where would the Pope be without Satan? If you believe in selfless philanthropy, I'd like to sell you an inverted urinal. Why did I eviscerate the tiger shark and what about its soul?

DK: What is your idea of modern literature?

ALO: Ha, modern literature began with the circus sideshow poster and ended with the refrigerator magnet. The word is acute. Now elephants can be enumerated in gigabytes. The Diary of Anne Frank is my favorite comedy. Have you read the Saudi flag? Modern literature is a secondary infection brought on by the influenza that is poetry. Six thousand years of epics, ballads, and haikus culminated in these words of the otherwise generic beat poet and ad-man, Lew Welch: "Raid kills bugs dead." Modern literature wears a gas mask.

DK: What music is important to you - Does music play a part in your creativity?

ALO: The beautiful, orchestrated constructs of muddy buzzing airplane propellers, automobile-sized insects, crying typewriters, mechanized prayer wheels, rabid concubines in estrus, space needle explosions, a ring modulated boys' chorus emitted from a broken shortwave radio, scissors cutting violin strings, telephone brain waves, the sentimental screams of microprocessors, half-music/pseudo-music. Music, like Shiva, is equal parts creation and destruction.

DK: If you could assassinate one (real) person, who would it be and how would you do it?

ALO: Are you implying that I am not capable of murdering one (real) person? Perhaps I should murder a (surreal) person. The crime must fit the victim like a French shoe. For example, poisonous fish forced down the windpipe of...wait, did you think I would fall for that? In fact, I think I will deny this interview ever took place. However, if I were to rob one museum, I would leave the curator alive and chained to a Modigliani.

DK: We know that you are a Virgo what is your exact birth-date?

ALO: Swaziland gains independence from Britain...Swaziland's National Day.

DK: Also I was wondering if you are classically trained (college) or a self-taught dissenter? What is your opinion of higher education?

ALO: The black marks on my records at a number of Swiss boarding schools led to my eventual enrollment at a fine but nameless university in the Caribbean. In view of the Maoist tendencies of the coming New Improved Cultural Revolution I prefer that my status as an intellectual remain somewhat obscured. My value to the cause makes me far too important to be machine-gunned. In my experience, the professors are being dragged down by the colossal burdens of the phallus and the cross of their misinformed and misguided convictions. The youth become polluted and are fortunate to escape with an original idea and any purpose higher than careering. The universities are the fountainhead of our technological culture. Imagine what could be achieved if they managed to dislodge their heads from Ayn Rand's thighs. The liberal arts are dead. Long live compassionate dAda.

--- At this point the papal black gaurd discovered our presence and shut down the server. I would like to thank her arachnid goddess, and the hacker KingFelix for arranging the meeting. David Kissel

posted by Lepidoptera Demagogue at 12/28/2001 01:45:41 PM