Memory of Lulu

From TimeOutAtSea

Charles told me about her. Directing me toward a website, a social networking website called sixdegrees.com. There was a great attraction to that site, and a new experience for us being able to publish and communicate in an instance, in our medium of choice, words.

A writing frenzy occurred. Remnants of which might remain around. But mostly there is not a trace online, of that activity we participated in about a decade ago during the advent of the Internet.

I don't remember falling in love with Lulu. It was just something that occurred naturally. Something in her words that resonated with me, and the connection with another human being, whom you have never touched or seen. A distinct connection, and in this medium of words, images and sound, just the wonderment that this type of connection could be made. Instant chat had a great deal to do with it, and perhaps her flirtatious nature. It's one thing to be flirtations with email correspondents and im chat buddies on the Internet, but quite another thing to communicate with Lulu and get a sense of her great depth of experience, knowledge and intense creativity.

I'm not sure when it was she began mentioning a sickness, and was not sure how concrete this sickness was as our language was full of abstractions and fiction. It was quickly apparent that this sickness was no metaphor she was speaking of.

From the time I first became aware of her on 6d, up until sometime in 2003 we continually communicated, a friendship of around 6 years. For many periods of time we communicated on an almost daily basis, then sometimes there would be a break in our conversation, maybe a few months, but never much longer than that. We used to play chess online, and she would always win. We had many late night telephone conversations, and talked a time or two about meeting in person. It did not seem entirely appropriate, and I did not pursue the matter. I often think about what that meeting would have been like.

We spoke of sex quite openly, and shared many intimate moments. Our relationship was not merely comprised of talk about sex though, and to use a word she liked to use, I find the opinion insipid, that this was the entire substance of the matter. Lulu was a mentor, a confidant, and a muse, although I do not hesitate to say I was in love with her, and that I still very much love her. Her memory is slipping away, so I feel the need to write these thoughts.